| Just a pointless rant because I'm pissed off... |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|05:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | De hel | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bauhaus - Double Dare | ] |
Remind me to never go anywhere with my family again, ever. All my mom and Michael ever seem to do is act shitty towards me, and then act like it's all my fault. So, today we went shopping. I always bring my headphones with me when we go in the car because I'm OCD about controlling the radio, and Michael always has to be a prick about it. So, of course, they take this as an oppertunity to talk about the fact that I still can't drive, loudly enough for me to hear them over my music. Because, I obviously haven't told them AT EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY how upset I am about the fact that I'm 18 and still don't have a driver's license. Go ahead, I'm not bitter. Guess what, assholes, maybe one of you should bring me to the DMV to renew my permit since it expired a year ago. I'd do it myself, but I CAN'T DRIVE. Maybe you should teach me to drive again too, because I can't do that either.
Then, we get to the mall, and my mom proceeds to let me know how annoying I'm being by standing silently next to her. Sorry the fact that I'm NOT bitching about being in my least favorite store annoys you so much, mom. Then we go out to lunch at a restaurant that we all know has nothing for me to eat, and I get yelled at for being upset about this. Sorry, but you are all selfish assholes. I know that the fact that I'm a vegetarian makes it a bit hard for me to find food to eat, but some consideration would be nice. So, I ate a plate of fries and shut the fuck up for fear of getting yelled at for being "difficult" again. We shopped some more and I got yelled at again for asking my mom if she could come into the stores I want to go to for 10 fucking minutes, even though I have to watch her and her husband loiter at fucking Bass for a half an hour.
God this pisses me off. No matter what I do, they act like I'm being immature. Is it to much to ask that Michael shuts the fuck up and stops acting like an asshole to me for 1 day? Or that we could eat somewhere that has food for me? Cause I'm a little tired of side dishes people. I'm also a little tired of always being the one who gets blamed for everything. I cannot fucking wait for college.
And they wonder why I never leave my room. |
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| More quizzes, ramdomness, etc... |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|04:20 pm] |
Which Placebo filmclip would you be an extra in?
You'd be in the Bitter End! Your relationship is falling apart? Has fallen apart? You can understand what is required for you here. Placebo would think you're perfect for the role...
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So, yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. I'll never understand that holiday. I mean it's supposed to be all about Irish heritage, but all anybody does is use it to get totally shitfaced. Whatever, maybe I'm just a buzz-kill, but I just don't get it.
On a related note, I've decided that the only reason I would ever start drinking is so that I could listen to Placebo's "Without You I'm Nothing" while I'm hungover. That's such a pretty album, and it always seemed like it would be the perfect soundtrack to waking up after a night of drinking. That doesn't really make any sense, but I don't care.
Well, I can see that this is going nowhere fast. |
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| School can be so depressing... |
[Feb. 16th, 2007|03:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Моя Комната | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Manic Street Preachers - Love's Sweet Exile | ] |
I've been kind of sad all day, and I don't know why. OK, I actually do know why, but I don't want to say. It will only make me seem more depressing. I guess it's just the realization that I finally have the confidence to go after what I want, but it's too late. I'll never get the chance to get what I've been more or less waiting four fucking years for, and it sucks.
In semi-related news, I need a boyfriend. I know I'm probably the worst girlfriend ever since I'm awkward, independent, and I totally have a fear of intimacy, but I still want a boyfriend. Yes, after 18 years, the hormones that should have kicked in at around 13 or 14 finally have. Actually, I just want to make-out with someone before I go to college, because I've never gotten past closed-mouth kissing. That's so fucking pathetic, I laughed at myself when I typed it. I mean seriously, I don't want to be one of those girls that spends their teenage years all prudish, then goes to college and unleashes their inner slut. That would be bad. I at least need to learn how to kiss before I get to college, so I can at least fake like I have experience. Because I really don't think the girl who's a total fucknig virgin in every way imaginable is that hot to guys.
Whatever, I'm done being depressed at my complete and utter lack of a social life. I'm gonna go watch QaF on Youtube again, because boysex makes everything better. |
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| Guess where I got this from... |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|06:09 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jeff Buckley - Forget Her | ] |
| Your Taste in Music: | 
80's Pop: Highest Influence
90's Alternative: Highest Influence
90's Rock: Highest Influence
Hair Bands: Highest Influence
80's Alternative: High Influence |
I like everything. |
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| More quizzes, 'cause I'm bored |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|06:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My room, as always | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Social Distortion - When She Begins | ] |
Which Manic Street Preachers album are you?
You are The Holy Bible!Far and away my favourite Manics album, The Holy Bible is regarded as a masterpiece and one of the greatest British rock albums of all time. The lyrics and music are equally bleak, dealing with such issues as anorexia, prostitution, self-injury and the Holocaust. Nothing beats the poetic art-punk of Faster, or the haunting Die in the Summertime. Truly a classic album.
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Obviously, I would be the depressing album.
Oh, and school was utterly pointless today. Why the fuck didn't they cancel it?! |
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| I took quizzes from Meghan again... |
[Dec. 14th, 2006|12:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mein Zimmer | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Birthday Massacre - Lover's End | ] |
| You scored as Justice (Fairness). Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause.
"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."
--Leonardo da Vinci
“Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.”
--Dwight D. Eisenhower
More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
Existentialism | | 85% | Justice (Fairness) | | 85% | Hedonism | | 75% | Utilitarianism | | 75% | Kantianism | | 75% | Strong Egoism | | 35% | Nihilism | | 35% | Apathy | | 25% | Divine Command | | 0% | </td>
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com |
| You scored as industrial.
industrial | | 95% | Emo | | 85% | metal | | 70% | Indie | | 65% | Punk | | 60% | grunge | | 50% | ska | | 40% | mainstream rock | | 35% | Pop Punk | | 30% | classic rock | | 25% | country | | 20% | rap | | 20% | Pop | | 10% | reggae | | 0% | </td>
what breed of music are you?
created with QuizFarm.com |
Yay Industrial! Not yay at Emo being the next possible answer. It's too early to do an actual entry, so I'll do one later. |
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| Ok, this time I'm really gonna try to be happy... |
[Dec. 9th, 2006|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mein haus | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nine Inch Nails - Closer | ] |
I really need to stop posting these long angsty entries. I'm starting to bum myself out. I don't really know why, but I've been really on edge and emotional these last couple of months. I hope its just stress.
Since I promised happiness, I have to stop talking about that stuff now. I got into Loyola and DePaul and got I shit load of scholarship money from both. That's happy news. Now I'm just waiting for UIC and I can finally decide where I'm going to college.
Hmmm...let's see, more happiness? Oh! It's almost Christmas! That's happy. It's also almost my birthday! I can't believe I'm going to be 18. I'll be able to buy porn and cigarettes! Not that I actually want either of those things, but I could buy them if I wanted to! Ok, maybe I want the porn, but don't tell anyone. Now, I must be off to "do my homework," which is code for sit on my ass and doing nothing and then freak out tomorrow when I have a ton to do. Toodles! |
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| The bitches are at my house... |
[Nov. 20th, 2006|11:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Cure - Doing The Unstuck | ] |
Make them leave, right now. The little one got her lip pierced and I hope it gets infected. I want them gone because I find their very presence annoying and irritating.
So...I really wanted to post an optimistic happy entry, but that's not possible. I'm really fucking depressed right now, and I have no clue why. It's just like when I was in middle school, only worse because I feel so overwhelmed. Today I realized that I was supposed to type the intro to my research paper, and Mr. Woodell basically said that he won't even look at it if its hand written. That combined with the fact that I had the worst migraine in history meant that I spent all of English with my head down and my hands covering my face so nobody would see me crying. Crying seems to be all I ever do anymore. I can't fucking take it much longer. I swear to god I'm going to snap and go off one of these days. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear so I can stop existing. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I just feel like I can't even stand to get out of bed anymore. It just seems like its not even worth it anymore. Nothing seems like its worth it anymore and don't think I can deal with feeling like this for much longer. Not even listening to my "happy music" makes me feel better. So much for trying to be upbeat. |
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| Just a little angst I need to vent... |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|08:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Drifters - Save The Last Dance For Me | ] |
This is directed towards a few people. It's really jumbled because I'm really emotional right now, and it may come out wrong. I've got to get this off my chest, though.
So, I've finally realized that I don't mean shit to some people that mean the world to me. It's nice to know that I'm so easily forgotten or replaced when I've put you on such a high fucking pedestal in my life. Really it is. I've spent so much time defending you people and sticking up for you, no matter how much of a bitch it made me seem like, but I bet that means nothing to you. You've never done that same, and you know it. Maybe I should have listened to them, but it's too late now. Every time I think about or talk to you people, I end up feeling angry and depressed. You have no clue how many times you've made me cry. You don't even care enough about me to realize how you've treated me. Maybe If you guys took just one fucking second to think about it you'd realize, but that may just be wishful thinking on my part. The worst part is, I still care so much for you, and everybody thinks I'm stupid for doing so. I'd still come running in a second if you needed me, but you'd never do the same for me, and I know it. I can't come to you for help because I don't think you'd care enough to really help. Every time I've ever truly needed you, you've never been there. You don't know how much that hurts me. I can't even mention any of this to you because I'd die if I destroyed what little connection we have left. It even hurts me to type this because I'm terrified you'll see it and it will drive you guys further away from me. In a way, I want you to see it so maybe you'll realize how much you've ignored me and how that's affected me. Maybe you'll think I'm over-reacting, but I know that I'm not. I can't take this anymore. I can't take realizing that I've been lying to myself for so long. I can't take knowing that I sacrificed so much of my own beliefs and personality for to make it easier for you people, but you couldn't even stop yourself from making me feel so completely alienated in your presence. |
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| So, I finally have a social life |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|01:48 am] |
I had quite an exciting weekend. On friday, I went to see Employee of the Month with Ariel and Megan. It was really funny. Then we went to Al and Nancy's and saw Kopycinski in there. We saw a car with a combo of Lord of The Rings and anti-bush bumper-stickers and knew it was him. Then we met up with Jackie and went to the game. I froze my ass off there, but I saw one of my creepy obsessions, so it was cool. I also almost killed this girl with my calculator.
Saturday was Homecoming, and it was so much fun. I went with Melissa, Christina, the two Jackies, Megan and Ariel. Ariel, Megan, Jackie and I basically danced the whole night. Plus, I saw some serious "dry-sex dancing." I'm not joking, there were hands up dresses and girls bent over and grinding on boys. At that point, I think you should just go and fuck in your car and stop grossing people out. I was kinda depressed during the slow songs because I had no one to dance with, but whatever. My other creepy obsession was there, so it was all good. All in all, it was pretty awesome. |
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| This is a little scary... |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|10:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Orgy - Vague | ] |
The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth
by Anton Szandor LaVey ©1967
1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
9. Do not harm little children.
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
I'm a bit disturbed about the fact that this makes more sense to me than the Ten Commandments. I guess I might be a satanist. Sorry Marian religion department!
I'm also disturbed my the fact that I realized today that most of the boys I think are cute are sophomores. That makes me feel a bit creepy, to be honest. |
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| Quizzes I took from Meghan again |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|10:42 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Heavens - Dead End Girl | ] |
I think I did this one before
Which sad meaningful rock song are you? Part 1
You are Hole - Sugarcoma. You dont want your love to leave you and to go away.You cant stand being away from them and not talking too them.You wish you could be together forever.
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Which artistic and beautiful rockstar guy are you?
I don't really like this picture of Robert, but whatever |
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| Why can't ignorant people ever speak quietly? |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|10:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | chez moi | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rise Against - Ready To Fall | ] |
So, yesterday my dad came out to take me shopping since I've been doing so well in school. We went up to Woodfield and Tower. It was pretty fun. I got a lot of really cool stuff, including this awesome AFI hoodie. I met this really cool chick in Hot Topic and we geeked out over AFI and Alkaline Trio. I also got some really awesome CDs that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. And, I FINALLY got Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yay me. All in all, it went pretty well. My dad and I got to spend the whole day together and we talked about a lot of stuff. Now on to the only shitty part of the day. We went out for dinner, and I spent most of the time scaring the shit out of my dad with my knowledge of horror movies and serial killers. So, as we're leaving, I overhear this little snippet of a conversation:
Guy: "I was like, that's absolutely disgusting!"
Other Guy: "I know! It's like I always say, god made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
What the fuck?! Is it really necessary to be that vocal about the fact that you're a close-minded and ignorant waste of life. It took all my strength to not cause a scene by slamming their heads into the table. God did that piss me off! |
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| ...Need...Sleep... |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|05:08 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wolfmother - Woman | ] |
Do you see what time I'm typing this? 5 o'clock in the fucking morning. I haven't slept at all tonight. Now, it's storming, so I know I'm not gonna get any sleep at all. I can never sleep on nights when it's gonna storm. It's like my body can sense that it's coming, and it won't let me sleep. Damn irrational and crippling fears. The worst part is, I fell asleep for like 10 or 20 minutes a little while ago. I had turned on my light so I wouldn't see the lightning, and my mom decided to open my door and shut it off. That woke me up and scared the shit out of me, so now I have no chance of falling back asleep. I really need to get therapy for this shit. I'm pretty sure it isn't normal to be this terrified of thunderstorms. |
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| Another pointless update that nobody cares about...YAY!! |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|04:55 pm] |
So, I haven't really updated this thing in forever. I could says it's because I've been busy, but that would be bullshit. I've really just been a lazy bitch who usually can't be bothered to do anything more productive than reading her summer reading books. By the way, all of these books suck pretty bad, which is kind of a bummer. But, my dad says that "The Metamorphosis" (the book I'm reading for my research paper) is really good and ultra trippy, so maybe that won't suck so much.
I have actually managed to get off my lazy ass and go to some shows this summer. I saw Peaches/Bauhaus/NIN on the 1st, and it ruled. I thought one of the guys in Peaches' backing band was hot, only to find out that it was JD Samson, who's in Le Tigre, and is a woman. Oops. But like Meghan said, she is a really hot guy, lol. Bauhaus was also awesome. Peter Murphy still works the over-dramatic, slightly gay vampire performance style, despite the fact that he's pretty old and has grey hair and a bald spot. But, he has one of the most amazing voices in music, so he rocks no matter what. NIN was absolutely amazing, as usual. Peter and Trent did a duet on the song "Final Solution" and I melted into a pile of goth-girl goo. Also, is it just me or did Jordie White (Twiggy Ramirez), who plays for NIN now, get a hell of a lot hotter after he stopped hanging out with Marilyn Manson and grew his eyebrows back? Anyway, I almost didn't get to go to this show because my mom thought it was too hot to be outside for that long, even though NIN is her favorite band. Is she getting old or what? She's lucky she has me around to force her not to be lame.
I also went to see Nightmare of You/Dillinger Escape Plan/AFI (cue obnoxious squealing). Nightmare was pretty generic and boring, but they weren't really that bad of musicians, so hopefully they'll learn how to write songs that don't suck soon. I felt really bad for them because the were so out of their element, so I made sure to clap a lot. Dillinger was insane and sounded like a bomb going off. It was awesome. AFI were, of course, amazing on levels that most people wouldn't even understand. They are seriously one of, if not the, best live bands I've ever seen. I really don't have the energy or attention span to type out all of my insane fan-girl ramblings here, but if you ask me about it, I'll fill you in on all the details. I'll even throw in a few crazy "omigod" noises, just so you get the full effect. All in all, AFI's awesomeness totally made up for all the bullshit and stress I had to endure leading up to the show. |
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| Why is the sanctity of marriage only under attack in even-numbered years? |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mars | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TV - The Daily Show | ] |
Some people are so fucking ignorant its makes me want to throw up. The way these conservatives talk about "protecting" marriage from gay people is absolutely disgusting. Its as if they view gay people as some sort of plague, and not U.S. citizens entitled to the same rights as everybody else. Oh wait, that's exactly what they think. It just makes me so angry that I have to live on the same planet as these ignorant pieces of shit. EERRR!!
Speaking of things that piss me off, I recently started reading Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy. Its really made me realize the stereotypes and limitations that still exist for women in America, and the ways that women themselves have helped to create these conditions. I won't bore you with a long ass feminist rant, but it is an incredibly interesting book that everyone should read.
So, in the interest of talking about something that makes me happy, AFI's new CD came out today, and it is even more amazing than I anticipated. I am so excited to see them in July, I absolutely can't wait! |
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| They show the weirdest shit on TV... |
[May. 8th, 2006|09:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room? | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hooker thing on A&E | ] |
Seriously, I'm watching a documentary on hookers (and no, I have no clue why), and during the break, they show that herpes commercial. Why would you agree to be on a herpes commercial? What if someone sees you on the street and goes "Hey! You're that chick with genital herpes! Hows that medication working out for you?" That would be a bit embarrassing. Anyway, prostitution is the most depressing thing in the world. Unless of course you're a Heidi Fleiss type, and then you make thousands of dollars having sex with celebrities, Japanese businessmen, and Middle Eastern oil barons. I still suspect that it would destroy your soul, though.
Anyhoo, my mommy bought me AFI tickets! I'm so excited! I asked Meghan to go with me, and I hope she can because if she can't, I might have to go with Lauren (Meghan, you can't let that happen to me!). Lauren is seriously the worst person to see a concert with. Even when she's seeing her favorite band, she just sits down and acts bored after like 15 minutes. It's so annoying. Plus, I'm kind of a wuss and claustrophobic, so I hate crowds and won't want to shove myself to the front. Meghan, on the other hand, has no issue shoving her way to the front, so she could either force me to get to the front or just get up there herself and get me pictures. Either way, it'll be cool. Plus, she has a knack for meeting hot guys in the front row and getting their phone numbers latter on (She's a very talented girl, lol)
On a completely unrelated note, I'm fucking tired of Morality class. I haven't learned anything in that class. Everything we talk about I've already formed an opinion on. It's utterly pointless. Plus, we're on the sex chapter, so we have to learn that sex is for babies, and if that's not why you're having it, it's wrong. Oh, and that gay people can't have meaningful relationships because apparently, any kind of sex they'll ever have won't measure up to "the ideal." What-the-fuck-ever. Forgive me if I don't want to hear about sexual morality from celibate people. And I think we all know what happens when priests get sexual urges.
Ok, I'm done now. |
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| OK, perhaps I over-reacted a bit... |
[May. 2nd, 2006|10:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Still Hell | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Le Tigre - Keep On Livin' | ] |
That post below is exactly what it sounds like in my head when I have a panic attack, which seems to be happening more often. Don't worry, I'm not a psychotic mess anymore. After having a few hours to calm down, and taking a super trip to an independent record store, I think I'm better now.
Next time, I must remember that posting on Livejournal while you're fucked-up emotionally is like drunk-dialing. It's just embarrassing for everyone involved. |
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deadendqueen16's journal
anxious
